Who is she, anyway?

When my father unexpectedly passed away in 2009, it really hit me hard.  I had one of two choices... stay in a deep depression for the rest of my life, or live a better one that would make him proud.  The depression lasted longer than I would have liked, but I finally found the "Ron" in me to stand up for myself and make a difference.  I wouldn't recommend going through a divorce in the middle of your grieving, however why not get it all over with at once?  I mean, it did lead to some great weight loss!  That-on top of packing up and moving out of a 4-story townhouse AND 1st grade classroom- made me look like I knew all the secrets to weight loss (which I do of course I just choose not to use them). 

Lose your father, get a divorce, quit your teaching job when the economy is at its worst, and move back to small town PA to live with mommy again...sounds like a plan to me!

My mom had always wanted me to move back from Fairfax, VA and I kept reminding her, "be careful what you wish for."  I love being 28 years old having my mom yelling (before I'm even OUT of the room) to "Shut the lights off!!!!"  No really, I do.  It reminds me of my dad, but it also reminds me how blessed I am that I still have my mom. 

Something happened to me when I moved back.  I was a bit careless, I hurt people's feelings, I wasn't the family member or friend I needed to be, and I was an unemployed divorcee living with her widowed mother in the house my dad built.  I used that last part as my excuse for the way I acted.  It took a while to uninvite myself to that pity party, but I have also been blessed with few (I don't think many exist anymore) amazing, true friends who made me realize that I deserved to treat myself better and that's the first step to true happiness.  GENIUS!  Why didn't I think of that?!

In all honesty, I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for my own personal cheerleaders.  I'd start listing you right now, but let's face it- I'd be attacked if someone's name didn't show up!  Yeah!  Girl power! Anyways, all I can hope for is that you know who you are and how much you have made a difference in my life.  Thank you for saving me and making me the person I am today- someone I am proud of, regardless of judgement. 

"You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through."

It took me 2 years to finally do something that I felt my dad would be proud of me for.  I joined the American Heart Association Heart Walk in Pittsburgh in 2011 and it has changed my life.  I'm better now.  The pain of losing my father will never go away, but sometimes I feel us smiling at the same time :)